..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
