K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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