He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
