I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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