I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I wish there were birth control emojis
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
