My nipple is on Facebook.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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