You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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