I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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