living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
