people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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