Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
