Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
True but thats because hes a fetus.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
