So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
