You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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