dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
