The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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