and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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