it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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