i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
