Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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