If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
zippers are such a cool invention
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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