He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
