I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
