whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
