a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
