Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
