I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
