I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
