i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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