I hate your face
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
