Having a random hookup so left but love u
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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