and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
