i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
