I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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