she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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