For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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