tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
