i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
