How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
