She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
