I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
