Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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