nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
