hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
