How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
