Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
