The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wear drunk well.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
