My pussy is not your playground.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
