Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
