my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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