I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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