We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
