After last night, I could never be a politician.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
