So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
